I've been thinking for a while that a pastor leaving a church is a lot like breaking up. Before the break-up, there is a lot of self-questioning ("Maybe if I just work harder," "Maybe it's not really over, just a rough spot.") Then there is the acceptance of the inevitability of the separation and preparing oneself to announce it.
Then there is the congregation's reaction, which ranges from shock to anger, from recognizing that it is time to move on to feeling abandoned. Another similarity is the interim minister, the minister that comes to work at a church while they are working on calling a settled minister-- kind of like the rebound relationship that often happens right after a break-up before one is ready for another serious relationship.
Most of the time I am just going about my life and not thinking about it, but occasionally I will get hit with a piece of this or that emotion. Like in church on Sunday when a man was praying for his toddler daughter who hurt her face in a minor car accident and I felt an almost-overwhelming urge to hug this person I've never been that close to.
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3 comments:
It is a strange relationship, that of pastor and congregation. I can remember being quite taken aback a few times as a child by certain reactions members of the congregation would have to something my dad did, or said, or didn't do. I don't think he ever compromised his own values, though, although it would have been a simple solution some of the time. I don't know if it's the same with all churches, but it often felt like some of the congregation thought of my dad as somehow superhuman or something. They seemed to forget the fact that he was a human being and a dad and a husband and a regular guy as well as being the pastor.
Does this mean you're leaving that church altogether, then? I should imagine it would be strange to remain part of the same congregation with a new pastor in place and Mr Midnight relegated to 'regular church goer' rather than the guy everyone looks up to.
It is true here about having unrealistic expectations at times. Someone in a meeting once yelled something untrue, and when Mr. Midnight sounded angry (not yelling, but a raised voice) he was taken aside later and told that he is the pastor and shouldn't get angry in public. Another time he got choked up during a sermon and a woman commented later that he was "not much of a man." These are not really the reasons he is leaving, but they're not the pleasant aspects of the job.
Aside from feeling awkward (which it definitely would) to stay in the same church it is ethically frowned upon because it keeps the parishioners from forming a relationship with the new pastor. We're only moving to the next town, though, so it will be weird being so close and still keeping our distance-- at least for a while-- because of that reason.
It is much like a break-up, because it is the finalising of a relationship. As you said.
What the? He shouldn't get angry in public because he is the pastor?
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