1. My neck hurts.
2. I like Dunkin' Donuts caramel iced coffee; the raspberry, not so much.
3. I should do homework, but it's getting kind of late for that.
4. I spent what felt like too much time picking up sticks from our backyard this morning. Someone took down the 8 felled trees from the ice storm along with the firewood-suitable pieces of wood, and dragged away the branches; the sticks that were too small to get carried away but big enough to mess up the lawn mower had to be dealt with. We burned them in our outdoor fireplace, and I needed to wash my hair when we were done because the smell of smoke was overpowering.
5. Marshmallows toast in the daytime, too. And over the ashes of a dying fire, they get wonderfully golden brown.
6. I get nowhere near enough sleep.
7. I have no problem doing the Vulcan "Live long and prosper" hand sign, and was surprised to learn that not everyone could do it.
8. I first learned the Vulcan sign from Robin Williams on Mork and Mindy, long before I heard of Star Trek.
9. I watched entirely too much TV as a child.
10. And drank entirely too much soda (aka cola aka pop).
11. I don't like Macintosh apples. Or Red Delicious, either. They both seem too mushy to me. I prefer Gala, Fuji, Braeburn, or Pink Lady.
12. When I was pregnant, I had a super-human sense of smell. I couldn't stand to go even go into the kitchen, much less open the refrigerator, because all the smells mingled together and it wasn't pleasant. I ate a lot of bananas, because I could hold my breath long enough to run in and peel one. I never threw away the peels myself, however, because the smell of the garbage was nauseating.
13. I dislike wearing flip-flops (thong sandals). The little post at the front always hurts the space between my toes. My daughter, however, will not wear anything else but flip flops from now until early October. Off the top of my head, without thinking, I can think of about 7 pairs that she has-- and I know there would be more if I tried to remember what they were.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Diagnosis
So, the doc was talking about a new diagnosis for Curly Girl(besides Attention Deficit Disorder)-- Oppostional Defiant Disorder. Without knowing anything about it, the name of it sounds scary. But when you know something about it (which I do after working at schools for emotionally/behaviorally disturbed kids), then it's really scary. For one thing, children with ODD (the initials suck-- didn't anyone think that through?) who still exhibit these behaviors as teens get the diagnosis of Conduct Disorder, and are generally the kind of kids who are voted "Most Likely to do Serious Jail Time." [Understand that these are wild generalizations made by a worried momma.]
My first reaction was denial-- "That's way too serious a diagnosis for me to deal with, so it can't be true." After reading more about it, I am becoming convinced-- although not completely. It still doesn't "feel" right; she doesn't "feel" like the kids I've known with ODD. Then again, they were all older, so maybe they had just learned more behaviors in that time. And they were in residential settings, so they were more severe than she is. A lot of the characteristics sound like her-- almost reflexively argue with "commands," for example.
If it is a correct diagnosis, then it's a good thing because it can lead to the right treatment. The one thing that bothers me the most about the diagnosis is the tendency I have seen in some of the literature to say that ODD is caused by bad parenting. OK, nothing was quite that explicit, but one website did say, "Prevention of ODD begins with good parenting." So, why did my first two children show no signs of ODD? The two who were parented with the same skills I used with the third? I didn't change, the methods didn't change-- the child was different. It is already easy to feel judged to be a bad parent when I'm walking through a parking lot with my 6-year old screaming, "Let go of me! You're hurting me!" because she would rather run ahead of me instead of holding my hand. It reminds me of schizophrenia and autism being blamed on "refrigerator mothers" in the past-- "We're not sure what causes this disorder, so it must be the parents' fault."
My first reaction was denial-- "That's way too serious a diagnosis for me to deal with, so it can't be true." After reading more about it, I am becoming convinced-- although not completely. It still doesn't "feel" right; she doesn't "feel" like the kids I've known with ODD. Then again, they were all older, so maybe they had just learned more behaviors in that time. And they were in residential settings, so they were more severe than she is. A lot of the characteristics sound like her-- almost reflexively argue with "commands," for example.
If it is a correct diagnosis, then it's a good thing because it can lead to the right treatment. The one thing that bothers me the most about the diagnosis is the tendency I have seen in some of the literature to say that ODD is caused by bad parenting. OK, nothing was quite that explicit, but one website did say, "Prevention of ODD begins with good parenting." So, why did my first two children show no signs of ODD? The two who were parented with the same skills I used with the third? I didn't change, the methods didn't change-- the child was different. It is already easy to feel judged to be a bad parent when I'm walking through a parking lot with my 6-year old screaming, "Let go of me! You're hurting me!" because she would rather run ahead of me instead of holding my hand. It reminds me of schizophrenia and autism being blamed on "refrigerator mothers" in the past-- "We're not sure what causes this disorder, so it must be the parents' fault."
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Soemthing that makes me happy
For years, our spaghetti strainer was not really a colander at all. It was the basket that one used to immerse potato sticks in oil to make fries. When we stopped making fries and the handle broke off, we started using it to drain pasta. I bought a new plastic colander, but my husband (the head chef around here) never really took to it and it was big and difficult to store. Lately, the finish started coming off and it just looked awful.
But, no more. I bought a collapsible over-the-sink colander that I love. It is beautiful. It fits over the edge of the sink so there is no lag time where the pasta is sitting in water that is in the sink and hasn't gone down the drain yet, and it is easy to store because it collapses to about 2 inches thick. I wonder what other collapsible things I can buy?
But, no more. I bought a collapsible over-the-sink colander that I love. It is beautiful. It fits over the edge of the sink so there is no lag time where the pasta is sitting in water that is in the sink and hasn't gone down the drain yet, and it is easy to store because it collapses to about 2 inches thick. I wonder what other collapsible things I can buy?
Thursday, April 23, 2009
First Mention
Curly Girl said to day, "It's not fair. CandyCaneGirl gets to see her birthmother every day." I said the appropriate things like, "Does that bother you?" and "Do you want to see her more often?"
"Yes!" she declared. "Like every Thursday. Or every day."
"Do you want to call her and talk to her?" I asked.
With barely a pause, she shook her head. "Nah." Then she was on to another subject. But she's never initiated that subject of conversation before.
"Yes!" she declared. "Like every Thursday. Or every day."
"Do you want to call her and talk to her?" I asked.
With barely a pause, she shook her head. "Nah." Then she was on to another subject. But she's never initiated that subject of conversation before.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Time goes by, eh?
I am on vacation this upcoming week. In that time, I need to find and summarize a research article on dyslexia, write a paper about apraxia (including finding and summarizing 3 research articles), and make a list of internet resources for each of the 7 components of language (phonology, morphology, semantics, syntax, orthography, discourse, and pragmatics ). I have a feeling that I am missing something. Well, I have a final exam to study for-- maybe that was it?
Although I am feeling very busy (though not busy enough, apparently, given all the assignments that I have left undone), I am really enjoying this class. English seems so irregular to me-- I am amazed at how regular it is, albeit still confusing. Fifty percent of words can be spelled correctly just using phonics (bat, ram), another 36% would have just one error (knit). Ten percent more can be spelled accurately when word meaning, origin, and morphology are considered, which leave only 4% as "pure oddities." * It's mostly that 10%, I think, that are the hardest. Word meaning confuses the issue-- like 'sign' and 'signature.' They are related, hence the similar spelling; changing the spelling of 'sign' to be more phonetic would take away that visual clue to its meaning. The origins of English words being so varied, from Anglo-Saxon to French to Greek and Latin, further confuses things, too. (I never knew that the sound /f/ spelled with a "ph" meant that the word came from Greek).
Enough of linguistic geekiness for now.
*I wonder if that is true for other kinds of English besides American English. I dunno. Do the separate sounds b-a-t sound like 'bat' in the UK brands of English? For that matter, I don't know if it's true for all American dialects-- like those who would say "bat" as something more like "bay-ut."
Although I am feeling very busy (though not busy enough, apparently, given all the assignments that I have left undone), I am really enjoying this class. English seems so irregular to me-- I am amazed at how regular it is, albeit still confusing. Fifty percent of words can be spelled correctly just using phonics (bat, ram), another 36% would have just one error (knit). Ten percent more can be spelled accurately when word meaning, origin, and morphology are considered, which leave only 4% as "pure oddities." * It's mostly that 10%, I think, that are the hardest. Word meaning confuses the issue-- like 'sign' and 'signature.' They are related, hence the similar spelling; changing the spelling of 'sign' to be more phonetic would take away that visual clue to its meaning. The origins of English words being so varied, from Anglo-Saxon to French to Greek and Latin, further confuses things, too. (I never knew that the sound /f/ spelled with a "ph" meant that the word came from Greek).
Enough of linguistic geekiness for now.
*I wonder if that is true for other kinds of English besides American English. I dunno. Do the separate sounds b-a-t sound like 'bat' in the UK brands of English? For that matter, I don't know if it's true for all American dialects-- like those who would say "bat" as something more like "bay-ut."
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Better Living through Chemistry
CurlyGirl has only been taking Ritalin for 3.5 days. It is much too early to draw conclusions, however, things are looking promising. She is still starting to have meltdowns, but she can actually be brought back to reality before it turns into an hour-long event.
We have been doing a behavior chart on which we make tally marks for behaviors like aggression and name-calling; if a block for a certain time period has under a certain number of marks, she gets a star. Looking only at the number of stars she's earned, there isn't much difference from before. But the individual blocks used to have 15-20 tally marks before I gave up writing them down; since Wednesday, she may not get the star, but there are only 3 marks in the box. I already have lost the feeling of wanting to avoid being around her and I don't feel like I am one breath away from her having a tantrum. We still need to get an appointment with a psychiatrist (our primary care doctor got us started on a trial run, but would feel better with a specialist overseeing the case) and we are having trouble finding a local one that both accepts our insurance and returns our calls. Still, I feel more hopeful than I have in a long time.
Added a few hours later: Today was her first full day on the med-- she's not taking for school hours. We were out this afternoon, and I noticed that she was getting "wilder," when I saw that it was 3:00 and about time for her second dose. Within 10 minutes after taking it, she was calm again. I've seen this before, so why am I so amazed? I guess seeing it professionally is not the same as personally.
We have been doing a behavior chart on which we make tally marks for behaviors like aggression and name-calling; if a block for a certain time period has under a certain number of marks, she gets a star. Looking only at the number of stars she's earned, there isn't much difference from before. But the individual blocks used to have 15-20 tally marks before I gave up writing them down; since Wednesday, she may not get the star, but there are only 3 marks in the box. I already have lost the feeling of wanting to avoid being around her and I don't feel like I am one breath away from her having a tantrum. We still need to get an appointment with a psychiatrist (our primary care doctor got us started on a trial run, but would feel better with a specialist overseeing the case) and we are having trouble finding a local one that both accepts our insurance and returns our calls. Still, I feel more hopeful than I have in a long time.
Added a few hours later: Today was her first full day on the med-- she's not taking for school hours. We were out this afternoon, and I noticed that she was getting "wilder," when I saw that it was 3:00 and about time for her second dose. Within 10 minutes after taking it, she was calm again. I've seen this before, so why am I so amazed? I guess seeing it professionally is not the same as personally.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Focus
This is very much not what I came here expecting to write, but that's where the title comes in. Curly Girl's appointment tomorrow where our doctor will start her on a behavior med trial seems to be all I can focus on. I don't know what to expect. I know what I hope for, but I think that my hopes are unrealistic. I am concerned about side effects, about how long before we see a difference, and about how well it will work.
I used to work at a school for emotionally disturbed kids. Most of the kids had serious diagnoses like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, but there were some with the milder diagnosis of ADHD. We would line the students up at 2:45 to send them to the nurse for their afternoon meds before the residential staff came to pick them up at 3:00. There was this one boy in particular that I had in my last period class who clearly needed his meds. I could often tell by 2:30 that his meds were wearing off and those would be a very trying 15 minutes waiting for the med announcement. By 3:00, he was no longer bouncing off the walls and talking a mile a minute. So, basically, I am trying to say that I know that the right dose of the right med can make a huge difference-- which makes me realistically hopeful. It's my desperation that makes my hope unrealistic.
I am afraid that by now, a lot of CG's behaviors are habits. Swinging out arms or legs at a person when she is angry with them, or calling them names, or telling them that she hates them-- will she really stop doing those things just because she's on meds? Or will she "just" be better able to understand why she shouldn't do those things and start doing them less often? Since she hasn't done well at learning alternative behaviors, how long will it take her to know what to do instead?
I used to work at a school for emotionally disturbed kids. Most of the kids had serious diagnoses like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, but there were some with the milder diagnosis of ADHD. We would line the students up at 2:45 to send them to the nurse for their afternoon meds before the residential staff came to pick them up at 3:00. There was this one boy in particular that I had in my last period class who clearly needed his meds. I could often tell by 2:30 that his meds were wearing off and those would be a very trying 15 minutes waiting for the med announcement. By 3:00, he was no longer bouncing off the walls and talking a mile a minute. So, basically, I am trying to say that I know that the right dose of the right med can make a huge difference-- which makes me realistically hopeful. It's my desperation that makes my hope unrealistic.
I am afraid that by now, a lot of CG's behaviors are habits. Swinging out arms or legs at a person when she is angry with them, or calling them names, or telling them that she hates them-- will she really stop doing those things just because she's on meds? Or will she "just" be better able to understand why she shouldn't do those things and start doing them less often? Since she hasn't done well at learning alternative behaviors, how long will it take her to know what to do instead?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Transcription
I wrote the following while waiting for the class I am taking to start last night, and had nothing better to do with it than post it:
It's hard not to think of coffee as amazing. Of course, I am scribbling this to burn some energy after drinking my white soy mocha from Starbucks. Tall. I've gotten so that I can order it as if I speak Starbucks-language. Another few weeks and they will be making it for me as soon as they see me walk in the door.
No wonder people get addicted to this stuff. OK-- I am a bit jittery. But the feeling of being awake is great. Did I feel like this waaay back in my past when I could sleep when I wanted? When was that time, anyway? Not being a coffee drinker normally, I think that I may have downed that drink a little too fast.
It's hard not to think of coffee as amazing. Of course, I am scribbling this to burn some energy after drinking my white soy mocha from Starbucks. Tall. I've gotten so that I can order it as if I speak Starbucks-language. Another few weeks and they will be making it for me as soon as they see me walk in the door.
No wonder people get addicted to this stuff. OK-- I am a bit jittery. But the feeling of being awake is great. Did I feel like this waaay back in my past when I could sleep when I wanted? When was that time, anyway? Not being a coffee drinker normally, I think that I may have downed that drink a little too fast.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Happiness
This is probably going to be a roundabout post, and I don't know how long it will be. If it's too long, maybe I can break it up so I don't go over a month between postings anymore. Not that it matters much to the 2 maybe 3 of you out there, since I suspect you read it through a reader so posts just appear anyway. But I digress, since this has nothing to do with anything I was planning on saying.
I listen to a variety of podcasts and two of my favorites are Stitch It! and CogKNITive. I like many things about both of them, but they have one feature in common that I wanted to focus on today. Meghan from Stitch It! calls hers "One of my favorite things" and Dr. Gemma from CogKNITive calls hers "Something I really like." I have always found the cognitive psychology concept of self-talk interesting-- basically that your inner monologue can affect your moods, although that is way oversimplifying it. (Or, as Dr. Gemma puts it, you are "brainwashing" yourself with your self-talk, so you might as well make sure your self-talk is positive.) The reason I like that feature on both of their podcasts is that it is a conscious effort to look for positive things around you that might otherwise be taken for granted and not appreciated. Most of their favorite things are not earth-shattering, but simple things that are a good part of life. For example, Meghan's latest is BBC's The Office (I applaud you, Meghan!) and one of Dr. Gemma's is her iTunes reviews.
I have blathered about that my life is very busy and stressful right now, and it is very easy to focus on that. And I have noticed my self-talk doing that: "I am so tired. I don't want to walk this dog. Look at that counter-- it's a mess. When is that going to get cleaned up? And who left their apple core on the counter? How hard is it to take two steps and throw it away?" I think talking about your problems, both looking for solutions and just venting, has its place, but I also think that I am indulging in too much of it lately. I need to make a conscious effort to look for the positive things that are in my life that I overlook to complain about other things.
So, without a catchy name, one of my favorite things that I really like is Starbuck's white soy mocha. I buy one every Tuesday on my way from work to my 4:30-9:00 class so I don't fall asleep somewhere I shouldn't-- like driving on the highway. I should add that I do NOT like coffee. However, this drink tastes heavenly. I suspect the mocha and the vanilla-flavored soy. Whatever the reason, every time I drink this I pause after every sip to say something like, "Wow. I love this stuff," or "This is so awesome." I wonder if they add another addicting substance, besides the caffeine, because I keep thinking about it and waiting until I get another. Fantastic.
I listen to a variety of podcasts and two of my favorites are Stitch It! and CogKNITive. I like many things about both of them, but they have one feature in common that I wanted to focus on today. Meghan from Stitch It! calls hers "One of my favorite things" and Dr. Gemma from CogKNITive calls hers "Something I really like." I have always found the cognitive psychology concept of self-talk interesting-- basically that your inner monologue can affect your moods, although that is way oversimplifying it. (Or, as Dr. Gemma puts it, you are "brainwashing" yourself with your self-talk, so you might as well make sure your self-talk is positive.) The reason I like that feature on both of their podcasts is that it is a conscious effort to look for positive things around you that might otherwise be taken for granted and not appreciated. Most of their favorite things are not earth-shattering, but simple things that are a good part of life. For example, Meghan's latest is BBC's The Office (I applaud you, Meghan!) and one of Dr. Gemma's is her iTunes reviews.
I have blathered about that my life is very busy and stressful right now, and it is very easy to focus on that. And I have noticed my self-talk doing that: "I am so tired. I don't want to walk this dog. Look at that counter-- it's a mess. When is that going to get cleaned up? And who left their apple core on the counter? How hard is it to take two steps and throw it away?" I think talking about your problems, both looking for solutions and just venting, has its place, but I also think that I am indulging in too much of it lately. I need to make a conscious effort to look for the positive things that are in my life that I overlook to complain about other things.
So, without a catchy name, one of my favorite things that I really like is Starbuck's white soy mocha. I buy one every Tuesday on my way from work to my 4:30-9:00 class so I don't fall asleep somewhere I shouldn't-- like driving on the highway. I should add that I do NOT like coffee. However, this drink tastes heavenly. I suspect the mocha and the vanilla-flavored soy. Whatever the reason, every time I drink this I pause after every sip to say something like, "Wow. I love this stuff," or "This is so awesome." I wonder if they add another addicting substance, besides the caffeine, because I keep thinking about it and waiting until I get another. Fantastic.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
I'm busy, busy, dreadfully busy
You've no idea what I have to do.
Busy, busy, shockingly busy
Much, much too busy for you.
~~from Veggie Tales
You've no idea what I have to do.
Busy, busy, shockingly busy
Much, much too busy for you.
~~from Veggie Tales
I don't remember every feeling as busy as I do now. My husband and I are both taking classes and working full time and keeping up with 3 kids and their homework and activities. I keep thinking of things I should be doing and feeling like there is no time to do them. I'm in "urgent mode": whatever needs to be done immediately is what gets done. Dirty dishes need to be washed? OK. Homework due tomorrow? OK. Take off-season and outgrown clothes out of Curly Girl's dresser so that she can actually shut her drawers? Nope-- maybe this weekend. Or February break. Or this summer.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Contrast
We had a faculty meeting in which many things were discussed. Hallway passes, midterm exam review days, Saturday detentions (Breakfast Club, anyone?), and the like. Almost none of it had to do with me. I have a bathroom in my classroom, so no one needs a hall pass-- I could go on, but it is enervating to even think of it. The bottom line is that I spent the meeting thinking about how much I don't care about any of it. About how being in a high school is all wrong for me.
The next night I had my class. Because of the timing and how far away I live from work and the class site, I don't go home in between work and class. This means that I leave my house at 6:30, hang around after school from 2:00 to 4:00, have class from 4:30-8:30, and get home after 9:00. It makes for a long day. Yet, sitting in class that night talking about phonemic awareness I felt interested and excited, even though I can imagine most people finding the topic boring. It just seems that teaching reading is what I should be doing, not the catch-all that I am doing as a result of being a self-contained classroom teacher. Math, science, history, vocational skills, cooking, budgeting.... I love my students but not teaching them the things I have to.
Another teacher wrote this on a board I visit, and summed up a lot my thoughts right now about my job and the sources of frustration:
Special education teachers often have little or no curriculum, little or no planning time, attend staff
meetings that do not address their needs,... are required to attend endless meetings... what
staff is given often has a high turnover rate, receives little or no time to train or communicate with their staff and when they request help from the specialists, they are given all kinds of visuals and behavior charts to make, but have no time to make them, let alone staff to keep the data....
The next night I had my class. Because of the timing and how far away I live from work and the class site, I don't go home in between work and class. This means that I leave my house at 6:30, hang around after school from 2:00 to 4:00, have class from 4:30-8:30, and get home after 9:00. It makes for a long day. Yet, sitting in class that night talking about phonemic awareness I felt interested and excited, even though I can imagine most people finding the topic boring. It just seems that teaching reading is what I should be doing, not the catch-all that I am doing as a result of being a self-contained classroom teacher. Math, science, history, vocational skills, cooking, budgeting.... I love my students but not teaching them the things I have to.
Another teacher wrote this on a board I visit, and summed up a lot my thoughts right now about my job and the sources of frustration:
Special education teachers often have little or no curriculum, little or no planning time, attend staff
meetings that do not address their needs,... are required to attend endless meetings... what
staff is given often has a high turnover rate, receives little or no time to train or communicate with their staff and when they request help from the specialists, they are given all kinds of visuals and behavior charts to make, but have no time to make them, let alone staff to keep the data....
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Back to School
I went directly from college into getting my master's because my college didn't have the prep courses that would let me get certified to teach special education. I went to school full-time while working full-time, and it's a period in my life that I look back upon and wonder how I did it. When I finished in 1991, I declared that I would never go back to school; I was done, fried, finis.
And yet, this weekend I am doing homework. I have started a 2-year program that will enable me to change my teaching certification; classes are every Tuesday (with summers and school vacations off) from 4:30-9:00. Much like I look back on the time of getting my master's, I am looking ahead and wondering how I will do it. Last time I didn't have three children. But I think it needs to be done, so I guess I'll just plug through.
And yet, this weekend I am doing homework. I have started a 2-year program that will enable me to change my teaching certification; classes are every Tuesday (with summers and school vacations off) from 4:30-9:00. Much like I look back on the time of getting my master's, I am looking ahead and wondering how I will do it. Last time I didn't have three children. But I think it needs to be done, so I guess I'll just plug through.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Princess
She can only move her right arm enough to barely reach the joystick that moves her wheelchair. The only other part of her body over which she has conscious control is her head. She cannot speak, so head movement is a large part of how she communicates. She controls a computer cursor with her head, and she can nod her head "yes" and shake it "no." She also uses eye gaze: either on her own by looking at something she want to draw your attention to, or to answer a choice given her. (Hold out right hand)"Do you want to have yogurt," (Hold out left hand) "or applesauce?"-- she will look at the hand representing her choice.
We were at a pet store and I was the one pushing her chair. While we were in the bird area, she looked toward the small animals and nodded. Forcefully. "You want to see the small animals?" Another nod. But once there, I stopped in front of the rabbits and she kept looking to the hamsters, so I brought her there and she was happy. Since I split my time with all the students and she has an aide with her all day, I don't know her "language" as well as her aide does. I felt a silly kind of pride for figuring out that she wanted to look at the hamsters, and then felt silly for thinking it was such a big deal-- she did make it pretty obvious, after all.
Sometimes she amazes me with her ability to communicate. She might start to cry, and after a short conversation with her 1-1 aide, we know that she is sad because her grandparents are going to Florida and so she won't be able to spend the weekend with them as she usually does. And we know this without a word spoken by her.
She is such a happy person, and yet I have a hard time putting myself in her shoes and imagining myself being happy. Not being able to speak exactly what I want without laboriously spelling it out on a computer that might not be handy, not being able to feed myself, or go to the bathroom on my own, or shower, having to depend on others for everything. That's really the key for me, having to depending on others' moods, their strength, their understanding, their willingness to keep trying to understand. And I wonder sometimes if I am doing right by her in the areas she depends on me.
We were at a pet store and I was the one pushing her chair. While we were in the bird area, she looked toward the small animals and nodded. Forcefully. "You want to see the small animals?" Another nod. But once there, I stopped in front of the rabbits and she kept looking to the hamsters, so I brought her there and she was happy. Since I split my time with all the students and she has an aide with her all day, I don't know her "language" as well as her aide does. I felt a silly kind of pride for figuring out that she wanted to look at the hamsters, and then felt silly for thinking it was such a big deal-- she did make it pretty obvious, after all.
Sometimes she amazes me with her ability to communicate. She might start to cry, and after a short conversation with her 1-1 aide, we know that she is sad because her grandparents are going to Florida and so she won't be able to spend the weekend with them as she usually does. And we know this without a word spoken by her.
She is such a happy person, and yet I have a hard time putting myself in her shoes and imagining myself being happy. Not being able to speak exactly what I want without laboriously spelling it out on a computer that might not be handy, not being able to feed myself, or go to the bathroom on my own, or shower, having to depend on others for everything. That's really the key for me, having to depending on others' moods, their strength, their understanding, their willingness to keep trying to understand. And I wonder sometimes if I am doing right by her in the areas she depends on me.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The first weekend after school ends we go to Cape Cod to spend time with my parents, and the week after that we go to visit my in-laws. The only bad thing about this arrangement is that right after school ends, I look around the house and see all the things that I have have time to do while not working but I can't do them because I am packing, unpacking, doing laundry, and repacking while I am home. But really that's the only bad thing; all the gardening, room re-arranging, and closet organization will still be waiting when I get back. It's just that I'm in the middle of the "laundry and re-packing" part of the week and not in the mood. We had a good time on the Cape, and once I get things together a little bit more I can even post pictures. On that note, I am happy to report that my camera survived the trip. After two Cape trips in a row with a camera casualty, I'm always concerned.
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