My Boy is adopted from Korea, and for various reasons we will probably never be able to discover who his birthparents are or know any more than the scant information we go at his birth-- height, weight, hobbies. In part because we (but more importantly, he) will not be able to talk to them, I bought I Wish for You a Beautiful Life: Letters from the Korean Birth Mothers of Ae Ran Won to Their Children when I first heard about it. (Ae Ran Won is a home for unwed mothers in Seoul.)
I thought it would be good for The Boy to read to gain an understanding of the mother he will never know, to have some idea of what it might have been like for her. I still think it will be good, but the letters are filled with such raw emotion that I'm not sure when would be appropriate to give it to him. I should reread it; I bought the book when he was 1 and some of it is probably OK for now.
I mostly remember that I cried during most of it. I could only read a few letters at a time before putting it away. "You may call this letter a personal history of your mother, who can never be forgiven by you." "I cannot bear the thought of not seeing you when I imagine that somewhere you may be crying." "I call your name quietly in my heart."
It is such a window on another culture. Many of the young women were disowned by their families, and would have been stigmatized as a single parent-- and the babies they bore would have been stigmatized also. A lot of the letters mention this in some way: "If I had kept you, you might have blamed me when you grew up because you were born of a mother that had no husband," "I wanted to keep you, but your grandmother didn't agree with me." All in all, it is an amazing book, although probably not for everyone.
3 comments:
I don't know if I'd be able to read that, it sounds like it is filled with such pain.
I think it is a good idea to give it to The Boy though. For understanding, yes.
" I'm not sure when would be appropriate to give it to him."
In terms of whether he is able to understand it or whether he'd be too upset by it?
Too upset. He is extremely sensitive, and tends to personalize things and take them upon himself (this math homework is hard-- it must be because I am too stupid to understand it). And, of course, there is my tendency as his mother to want to protect him-- so I'm not sure how much of my concerns are actually valid.
He's just 10, though, so I guess I can safely wait a bit before deciding. Then again, Ash was only 10 when he set out on his own to become a Pokemon trainer....
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